5 Tips for Meeting Adoptive Parents
You’re here because you have made a choice to give your baby the best chance at life by finding the perfect adoptive family for them and you. Don’t be afraid or overwhelmed! Thank you for making this decision…the right one for both you and your baby. We’re here to help you in any way we can by making this an easier road to travel down…and we will be there with you every step of the way. You are not “giving up” your child but instead “giving forward” to a family that will love them forever.
If you and the family you have chosen decide to meet in person before your baby is born, it can be overwhelming and it’s best to be prepared. Below we have put together “tips” for you to consider when meeting the Adoptive Family for the first time.
1. Actions Speak Louder Than Words
What someone does is more important than what they say, because the things they do show their true intentions and feelings. It’s good to pay attention to the gestures and actions of a couple you are meeting. Were they willing to go that extra step? Did they travel from a further distance than you would have anticipated just to meet you? You want to have the feeling that nothing and no one will stand in their way of meeting you and getting to know you as a person and Birth Mother.
2. Be Prepared
At this point you’ve thought about what kind of parents and family you want to find for your child. This wasn’t an easy decision and you didn’t come to it lightly. For this reason alone, you will want to be extremely prepared for your initial meeting with potential adoptive parents. Although it’s important to know their background and what made them turn to adoption, it’s also important for you to know what you want and why. The first meeting is a crucial one, and you are in the driver’s seat. YOU, alone, know what you want for your baby. It is absolutely okay to be patient and vigil with every decision you make. It may take awhile until you find the perfect family for your child. Be prepared and be okay with change when it happens. This type kind of commitment is definitely important to have from the very beginning to the very end of this entire process. Do not waver in what YOU want and need for your child and in your search of finding a family for them. This may seem like an impossible task but remember, adoption is not about being at ease or choosing the less bumpy road, it’s about making hard decisions which ultimately will be the right decisions for you, your child and the family you find for them.
3. Consider Complex Topics – Appearances, Character and Values
- Appearances are an important thing to consider. This may sound superficial or simplistic but it’s not. Of course what someone does or doesn’t look like may be an initial driving factor but try to look deeper. Do you like someone’s smile? Or the way they hold hands? Do the Adopting Parents each pay attention to what the other is saying? Are they in tune with each other? All of this will give you some insight into what a potential adoptive family life might be like for your baby.
- Character is another crucial part to look at. Don’t be overly concerned with being charmed. Take a hard look at their character instead. What values are important to them? Are they willing to share them with you even if they differ from yours? Knowing someone will stand by their beliefs regardless of what others think or say is an incredibly important trait. Don’t be afraid to voice whatever personality traits are important to you. Character is far too important to compromise on.
- Talk about what is important to you. What values do you want your child to learn? Whether it’s discipline, compassion, consistency etc. Whatever it may be, don’t hide them because you might be afraid they will be different from the Adoptive Parents. Talking about these things will give them an opportunity to know you better, and in turn will allow them to understand the kind of life you want for your baby.
4. Respect and Honesty from the beginning
Always be polite and respectful to someone you are meeting for the first time. However, it goes a little deeper than that. Do not be afraid to be open and honest from the first meeting forward. This will pave the way for a mutual understanding and wonderful relationship. Being open and honest goes hand in hand with being respectful. If you find yourself afraid to voice a concern or particular belief to the adoptive parents you are meeting then you are not being fair or respectful to them or yourself. Respect through open and honest communication is important from beginning to end and will make your journey an easier one.
5. Be Resolved
Before the first meeting has been planned resolve yourself to be strong and steadfast with your desires. Especially with the hard topics. Figure out what it is you want for your child and hold fast to it, even if it differs from others. Adoption as a possibility is not a decision you came to lightly. Being open and honest may not always be easy but it will be extremely important as you travel down this road with your baby.